How Fifty Shades of Grey could have been a less boring movie

fifty-shades1Here is my review for the movie everyone is buzzing about this Valentine’s Day. I read the three books a while ago. The movie was not a total waste of money but I could think of several ways it could have been less boring:

– It could have gone down a darker route, like The girl with a dragon tattoo or Gone girl, instead of the romantic route like Twilight. In fact, Jamie Dornan’s millionaire playboy with the a fancy penthouse and private helicopter is enticing but is nowhere near magnetic as brooding vampire Edward Cullen.

– Anastasia mumbled her way throughout the movie. They should have at least given her some narration like Bella, so she could express some of her virginal thoughts and desires in ways other than flashing her nipples and biting her lips.

– I was not too impressed with the cast from the beginning but Dakota Johnson’s body turned out to not be a bad choice. However, call me brainwash by Photoshop and Hollywood movies, Jamie Dornan’s physique is not that impressive. He’s not supposed to be too buff but, as this is a movie about fantasies, I expect to be wowed with a body like Chris Hemsworth’s in Thor or Channing Tatum’s in Magic Mike.

– Again, they could really amp up the dark side of Christian or tease for the next movies by giving some flashbacks of his prostitute mother or of him being whipped by Mrs Robinson. There’s no evidence of this character’s fucked up psychology other than the fact he has a playroom filled with some scary looking instruments. Boring! Even the piano playing scene has no emotion or depth to it.

– Anastasia’s mother is unusually attractive, but the young cast is weird looking: from roommate Kate to Christian’s brother with the creepy Elliot blonde beard. Mia appears for (literally) two seconds with a severe 1920s black bob because she ‘lives in Paris’, which is weird and not as cute as Alice’s pixie cut. Personally I found Christian’s chauffeur Taylor more attractive. His involvement is almost entirely cut out in the movie, even though they could have used the relationship to play up Christian’s controlling personality.

Basically, 50 shades of grey is a cliched romance flick with nudity, not a sexy movie about the BDSM lifestyle, which is a shame. I’d say the only winner from this franchise is The Weeknd with this seductive soundtrack:

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MTV Movie Awards 2011 recap and fashion

Twilight cast

If you aren’t a “Twilight” fan, it was probably sickening to watch the favoritism toward the franchise paraded at the show last night. Twilight won nearly half the categories (FIVE out of 12), including obvious wrongs like Best Movie (over Inception, Black Swan, The Social Network & Harry Potter) and Best Female (Natalie Portman?!).

However, that’s not the most embarrassing part. Robert Pattinson could not be more awkward on stage, Continue reading